“Love it was that drove them forth. Love that brought them home again. Love hardened their hands against the oar and heated their sinews against the rain. The journeys they made were beyond common sense; who leaves the hearth for the open sea? especially without a compass, especially alone. What we risk reveals what we value. In the presence of love, hearth and quest become one."
~ Jeanette Winterson
I have been contemplating love lately. What is it? Is it a feeling, an action? When we say we love someone or something, what do we mean? And we’ve certainly seen, experienced how love can go awry and lead to hurtful outcomes.
As I dive deeper, I realize love is much more than a feeling, it really is an art and practice. Something we may cultivate, improve upon, and enhance our capacity for being, giving, and receiving. So, what are the paradigms and attributes we must cultivate to master the art of loving?
The first is acceptance. To love someone we must accept them, as they are, without conditions. This does not mean we never wish them to behave or think otherwise, but when doing so we recognize this desire is ours, it is our projection onto them, perhaps even for their own relief or wellbeing, but it is not acceptance, it is our stuff, our agenda and hence not love. Accepting others and life exactly as they are in this moment is the hallmark of freedom, enlightenment, and love.
Second is courage. Most of us, most of the time, are running around trying to get what we think we want or avoiding what we don’t want. When you dive into this, you’ll realize fear is driving most of our program. I am afraid I won’t get what I believe I need or feel entitled to, or I’m afraid of something “bad” happening. We spend most of our conscious and physical energy responding to this primal fear. What if we were not afraid to get or not get what we think/believe we need?
If we accept ourselves exactly as we are, and others as they are, and we don’t need things to be any different, then we are free. It doesn’t mean we dismiss our aspirations and desires completely; it means we’ve relinquished our needs. We cease seeing ourselves or others as pawns in a game we need to win. We are unafraid of outcomes, able to hold our desires lightly - another entity in consciousness - and get on with enjoying and appreciating our life, supporting others, and manifesting our creative potential.
And finally, love is action. Scott Peck said, “To love is to extend one’s self on behalf of our own or another’s spiritual growth.” Ultimately, love manifests through action, in how we behave with ourselves and others. This action can be as simple as remaining present, paying attention, and listening attentively to ourselves or someone/thing else, and may progress to more active forms of communication, support, and intervention. We may ask ourselves, “How am I supporting my own or another’s spiritual growth?” Sometimes proximity supports growth, sometimes distance, but there always remains a place in our heart for our beloved... Always,
Greg
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